Suicide Ideation

by Ovaryrot

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"Suicide Ideation" was written and recorded from October 2015 through February 2016.

Mixed and Mastered by Junior at Pitagoras Audio Technology.

Artwork by Foul Apparatus.


released August 14, 2016

Brady - Guitar
Jon - Vocals
Ulf - Drums



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Ovaryrot is an experimental deathgrind band comprised of Ulf Nylin, Jon Paxton, and Brady Cornett. We've been going strong since 2007, always changing, always creating hellish walls of noise in response to life.

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Track Name: Capitulate
These words do no justice! They will never suffice! Shred and tear out my god damn throat! My god damn throat! I am so fucking sick and disgusted of this existence! Of this existence! Where the fuck is my executioner?! Will somebody please kill me already?! Kill me already!! Kill me already!!! Kill me already!!!! I'm fucked upon fucked upon fucked upon fucked upon fucked upon fucking fucked! Fucked fucked fucked! Fucked!! Fuuggcked!!! Fuughhckked!!!! Swallow the vomit and regurgitate! Swallow the vomit and regurgitate!! Kill!! Kill me already!!! Kill me already!!!! Kill me already!!!!! KILL ME ALREADY!!!!! Swallow the vomit!! Regurgitate!! Swallow the vomit!! Regurgitate!!... Gun barrel to mouth…... Tongue in cheek…... A photographic memory of an existence charred... "Mother! Mother?! Mother?!?! MOTHER?!?!?! Father!!!! FATHER!!!!! HOW COULD YOU?! HOW FUCKING COULD YOU?!?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?! WHAT HAVE YOU FUCKING DONE?!?!!?!?!?"…... Life… Life is…... Worse than death…... Life is… Worse than death…... Life is worse than death… Life is worse than…… Death……
Track Name: Dormant Aspiration
Bury me, get rid of me, suffocating in dirt and shit. Lungs collapse already, give in already. This fucking existence is futile! I have nothing! I am nothing! I have nothing! I am nothing!

I have nothing! I am nothing! I have nothing! I am nothing!!! Death embrace me!!! I have seen it all. I have seen my destiny. Shit canned failure of the false ideals of a man. Stretched across a blood soaked floor. Watching the light becoming dim. I'm coming back home. I'm coming back.
Track Name: Riposte
It's like cutting at a scar that you've had all your life. Just before it can scab over you cut at it again, cutting deeper. An endless incision... My inevitable decision... To take my own life. I'm fucking falling apart. My mind broke like a glass thrown against a wall. Gatherers of laughter, maniacal and morbid, all gather around. I have become delirious. Pain has become hilarious. Pain has even become pleasurable. I feel sick. God help me!! God please end me!!! God forsake me already!! God please end me!!! I feel siiickkkk!! I feel siiiickckkk!!!!!
Track Name: Lingering Impulses
"Repeated visions of cutting up, jabbing the knife into my face. Slice away until there is nothing left. Keep going. Go further. Cut the meat clean off the bone. Break through the bone. Never enough." Itching and scratching peeling off the skin. The burning feeling and cutting off of flesh is so delectable. Flesh getting stuck underneath my finger nails. Blood dripping down my limbs. I want to tear off every piece of me.
Track Name: Discarded: Gratitude
I just keep hoping that I die, keep hoping that I die, hoping that I die. The maggots want to live, they want to take advantage of my life and throw me away like an unfinished meal. Unfuckingrateful fucking scum. "I am grateful for death. I am grateful that this life does not last forever. I am ungrateful for life. I am ungrateful that this life lasts at all. I'm Hanging, I'm hanging, I'm choking, I'm choking, I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm smiling, I'm smiling, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you."
Track Name: Repercussion
I was a child once. Wasn't I a child? Lost. Thrown into flames. Wishful thinking thinking tears could put out the fire. All that's left are ashes. And although I may still continue to breathe, in the back of my mind, it echoes for an eternity... "It is not too late, you can still kill yourself before it gets worse. End it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now…"
Track Name: Retrospective Nightmare I
I never saw myself as being the way I am now. I am not the man I had envisioned. This is not the life I had seen for myself to live. I have so many faces anymore. I never know who I am anymore. I hear inside my mind my childhood fall to its knees crying out in such mournful wails I have to cut it off with the likes of severing my limbs with a saw for I cannot bare it. (In hindsight subconsciously I have set myself up for torment. Genetically I was born into it. Creating pain to inspire more suffering to endure. Pain is my savior.)
Track Name: Retrospective Nightmare II
Have I become a monster? Have I become evil? Somehow I am able to disguise myself... not only in front of others, but in front of myself as well. What have I become!? Do I feel because I relate or do I relate because I feel? I've become the ghost of the ghost of myself. Horrible visions and hallucinations will cloud my mind... I am unsure if they are even horrible, but instead are distant perceptions only attainable by myself... No one ever sees what I see......
Track Name: Unwavering Devotion
These notations find their way beneath the surfaces of words spoken. I cannot deny the piercing truth as it travels through my ears until it is cutting through my heart.

Bleeding from the inside out.

My mouth waters at the anticipation of ignition.

Inevitable was it for myself to take pleasure in suffering.

With such inadequate merriment surrounding me whenever the notion does present itself, it makes me ill to the point of regurgitation.

"Tears building up. Becoming difficult to breathe. Coughing. Hyper ventilating. Dry heaving. Puke it up puke it out. I want to be rid of this feeling. This consumption. I am being consumed. Make it stop. Please just make it stop." - Never let it stop.

Life doesn't seem real without ruination.

Life doesn't feel sincere without desolation.